I have had all of the emotions in day, and I am exhausted. I would like to break down how this year's First Event went. I have a long narrative in my head, but I don't think I'll make the space to write it. So here are the bullet points for Saturday:

- Arrived in time for the couple's roundtable run by the support group we've been involved with for the last ~2 years. It was lovely.

- Spent about a 1.5-hour lunch chatting in a little alcove with a couple from the support group. We covered a lot of ground about our lives, and I felt very connected.

- Learned that the attendance of the conference seemed small this year because it was: There was a massive boycott going on. Heather ran into a couple of protestors at the hotel and asked what they were upset about and got incoherent answers. I spent a chunk of the rest of the day trying to get some idea of what this conference, which has been a haven for me since Heather first came out, could have done (or failed to do) that would have been worth defanging one of the biggest, oldest trans conferences in this political climate. The best I could get was insufficient outreach to BIPOC trans folks and inadequate accommodation of disabled people. Aren't those ubiquitous problems of all things all the time? Why did it call for a boycott now?

One TCNE member said accommodating the demands of the protest would have cost them $50k they didn't have. This seems to connect with a claim Heather heard from one of the protesters that TCNE had chosen too expensive a venue, and the money would have been better spent on diversity outreach. The venue is expensive because it's in the middle of Boston on top of a T stop. That decision was made for accessibility and because the conference was growing. It's also been at that exact venue for at least 3 years.

Will there ever be a point in social justice where we spend more energy helping each other than eating each other?

And also, there are hostile forces seeding conflict within us. The organization behind the 2017 women's march had devoured itself within 2 years, and we now know that the internal fighting was at least partially shaped by information manipulation by our adversaries.

We are fucking chumps who never miss an opportunity to eat our own young. If we lose our Democracy, our rights, and our lives, people who think they are serving our interests by destroying our power structures in service to purity will be complicit in that end.

- Cried a while.

- Attended a presentation on theology of trans identity. Loved it. In question and answer, got a chance to vent about how hard inclusive churches are trying to be heard, but nobody hears us. I will go toe-to-toe on theology with any conservative Christian, and I am not afraid. They are winning the messaging war for reasons that have nothing to do with theology.

- Ran into an acquaintance from the annual Purity Springs retreat who was here for the first time. Really bonded. She's a Ryan Laukat game fan too! Also, they're in the first year of transition, and her wife is having a really hard time. I tried to conjure up some wisdom to help. Exchanged contact info. I hope we can set up a double boardgame date sometime. Also, I was introduced to her as a man, and this was the first time I'd seen her present as a woman. She looked smashing and so comfortable in her skin.

- The banquet food was quite exceptional. The Park Plaza hotel made some very good changes someplace since last I attended.

- Shared the table with a young cis-trans couple. The cis woman had been at the theology talk and told me that she found my rant really meaningful. We talked seriously about doing some kind of religion roundtable next year.

- The keynotes (there were four short speeches rather than a long one) were about this moment in the rights of trans folks from a variety of perspectives. Some of it was hard to hear. A lot of it was incredibly encouraging and uplifting at a time we needed to hear it.

- Took the train home.

OK, this was not that short. Trust me that it could have been a lot longer.